Growth mindset. It’s a bit of a buzzword phrase, but something that many parents want their children to adopt. But what exactly is it? And where did it come from? The concept of growth mindset was developed by Dr. Carol Dweck, in her book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. In the book, Dweck explains the two primary lenses through which people view the world and their potential within it: a fixed mindset or a growth mindset. Although her research is extensive, the general ideas are summarized as follows.

What is a “Fixed Mindset?”

Simply put, a fixed mindset is the idea that human growth and potential is relatively unchanging. A fixed mindset sees limitations, and is often overcome by doubt and pessimism, especially in challenging circumstances. And it makes sense. According to Dr. Carol Dweck, in Mindset, if you only have a “certain amount of intelligence, a certain personality, and a certain moral character,” then you’ll spend much of your energy trying to prove that it’s enough, and any experience of failure will be overwhelming, as it seems to confirm the opposite, that you are not enough. A common outcome for someone with a fixed mindset is: I’ve failed.

What is a “Growth Mindset?“

A growth mindset believes that people have endless potential to grow, learn, change, and develop. A growth mindset sees capacity for a person to improve, when given the right resources, support, and opportunity. A growth mindset sees failures and setbacks as opportunities and possibilities. Those with a growth mindset are generally more hopeful, optimistic, and resilient, because they know the possibility for good to come, even from difficult situations in the moment. A common outcome for someone with a growth mindet is: I’ve learned and won’t repeat that process.

Helping Your Kids Develop a Growth Mindset

Whether it’s a conscious or not, we hope that our children will succeed, consistently growing and changing to meet the fullness of their potential. We want to raise kids who are confident, positive, resilient, and curious—kids who thrive in whatever circumstances life throws at them.

Now is the perfect time to start supporting your child(ren) in developing a mindset that will serve them for the rest of their lives. Through new research on neuroplasticity, we know that the human brain always has the potential to change and shift, sometimes in significant ways. If you haven’t previously developed a growth mindset yourself—or found ways to support your kids—it’s not too late.

Be the Role Model

We all know it’s true—kids are watching what we do, even when they’re not listening to our words. Whether we’re aware of it or not, our kids are constantly learning from us by the way we live. The most important thing we can do in order to help our children develop a growth mindset is to develop and live with one ourselves. How do you react when you experience failure or frustration? How do you approach challenges or difficult situations? What is your tone and posture towards yourself in moments of difficulty? On a daily basis, we have the opportunity to model for our children what it looks like to seek growth, to expand our knowledge and skills, and to treat ourselves with kindness and gentleness in the face of failure. It’s a large task, for sure, but don’t underestimate the power of prioritizing your own shift in mindset, both for you and the small (or not-so-small) people observing.

Language

Intentionality is key to a growth mindset, as well as remembering that words have tremendous power. Even for those of us who are watching our words, there are subtle ways in which a fixed mindset can sneak into our language. One of the easiest—and most powerful—ways to shift your language to foster a growth mindset is by incorporating the word “yet.” When you hear your child struggling through something and using phrases like, “I don’t know how to….” or even “I can’t…” take the opportunity to remind them that their abilities are not fixed, with the word “yet.” It might sound like, “You don’t know how to do long division yet.” Or “You can’t make a three-pointer yet.” This tiny word can have a huge impact when it comes to mindset.

Mistakes Are a Great Teaching Opportunity

Whether it’s failure at school, relational mistakes, or downright poor choices, a growth mindset prioritizes teaching over punishment. Parents who hope to instill a growth mindset often find significant success when they step away from punitive models of parenting—which often focus on what not to do (or at least, what not to get caught doing…)—and shift to connection-based models, helping children to understand how their choices play out in their lives and relationships. When parents can shift their focus to getting to the root of the problem, and helping their kids to get to that place as well, mistakes and failures can all be seen through the lens of learning and growth. When children are taught to observe natural consequences, they can appreciate their mistakes and failures as teaching valuable lessons, rather than sources of fear or shame.

Keep Raising the Bar

Although it may initially feel counterintuitive to our protective parental instincts, one of the best ways to help children develop a growth mindset is to put them in situations that stretch them. Kids who only experience life in circumstances where they succeed every time can become quite attached to feelings of success, and struggle to venture into new and challenging experiences. Giving children the opportunity to try—and sometimes fail—is the perfect opportunity to foster a growth mindset. As a parent, it is important to have an idea of your child’s abilities, and create space for them to fail in ways that are unlikely to cause significant or permanent harm. Sometimes they may come up short of their goals, but quite often, they will exceed their perceived abilities—and probably yours, too.

Continually Learn

For families who prioritize a growth mindset, it is important to develop a broad understanding and view of education. Unfortunately, the modern educational paradigm is often limited to “school,” as opposed to fostering a broad curiosity and love of learning. For those with a growth mindset, education isn’t limited to school, but rather, education is something that can occur at any time, in any place, in all facets of life. Parents who hope to instill a growth mindset in their children are often experts at following their child(ren)’s interests and passions, and providing ways for them to expand their knowledge in ways that are integrated with everyday life and learning. When a child asks a question, seek to understand why he or she is asking the question, and not simply answer. This is a great tool to use in help children stoke the fire of curiosity. While expanding education into daily routines may initially seem like a daunting task, with a little practice, it will begin to come naturally. And you may just find that your love of learning grows alongside your child’s. A resource I often use when my children ask me a question is the phrase, “Let’s find out,”instead of , “I don’t know.”